2. The Audacity to Be Happy with Carolina Gonzaga

Amber gets deep down with comedian, producer, and senior living powerhouse Carolina Gonzaga for a no-filter conversation about being “too much” in a world that asks women to shrink. From fast friendship to bold vulnerability, they dive into how Carolina turned her so-called “flaws” into superpowers at work, on stage, and at home. This episode is a celebration of emotional honesty, feminine audacity, and the women rewriting the rules.

Topics Covered:

• Female friendship as radical connection
• Being loud, loving, and unapologetically YOU
• Motherhood, mental health, and breaking generational patterns
• Comedy as catharsis and career
• Why the patriarchy hates happy women

If you've ever been told to tone it down, quiet your joy, or make yourself smaller—this one's for you. Carolina reminds us that taking up space isn’t a flaw, it’s a revolution. Hit play, feel seen, and remember: you were never “too much” you were always just enough. 

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Transcript

Amber: [00:00:00] Welcome to the F Word, where we are bold, fearless, and unapologetically female. I'm your host, Amber Bardon. Today's guest is someone that I have recently come to know very well. She is a standup comedian and producer based in Toronto. She has been in the senior living space for 21 plus years, and recently she's gone into the SaaS field.

I also have the great honor and privilege of calling her a close friend of mine. Welcome to the show Carolina Gonzaga. 

Carolina: Thank you. And I'm so honored to be, uh, called your friend, which we've been fast friends and it's been amazing. 

Amber: It for sure.

Can I share that how quickly we said I love you to each other? Yes. I love it. Please do. I love that you said it's never too soon to say I love you, and I think friendship love is the best kind. 

Carolina: I a hundred percent agree. And I have so much [00:01:00] love in my heart and I was so excited to add another, another friend to my life, and it's been awesome getting to know you.

I'm so happy to be here. 

Amber: You know, it is hard to make friends when you get older, right? And so when you meet someone and you just immediately have that friendship spark with them and you just feel like you can tell them anything and they'll be there for you, that's really rare. And I just wanna take a moment to appreciate it.

Carolina: For sure. I think I am very open with people and so it's something that I really have come to value about myself. Getting older for myself. I've, you know, been able to continue to make connections, but I will say, you know, walking around in life, it is, it is difficult because your life becomes

complicated and responsibilities become more intense. And so that's something that I'm really thankful of that quality that I have, and I'm so happy to call you a friend.. 

Amber: This is exactly why I wanted you to come on the F word and the theme of what this episode is all going to [00:02:00] be about. It's going to be about meeting that woman who has this spark that you have.

And I wanna tell the audience a story about, about when we met and we had met before this. So you and I had emailed each other. We interacted from like a vendor, in the senior living space. But my, my clear memory of like reengaging with you and becoming friends. with you

We were at a national conference and this woman comes up to me and was, Hey Amber, how are you doing? Hey girl, what's going on? Like, just really excited, enthusiastic, and I was like. Who is this? It's a common experience for me because I meet so many people.

Amanda who's listening in on this podcast knows that I can never remember people's names, so the endless source of frustration of, um, the growth team here at Parasol. And so I knew I had met you, but I couldn't remember who your, who your name was or who you were with.

And then later I, I realized. Who you were and that connected, you know, the dots with your seeing your name and email and things like that. [00:03:00] But the point of why I'm telling the story is the feeling I had when you came up to me and you were so friendly to me. And you just, you know, they say that the way that you remember people's, how they make you feel, and you made me feel so welcome and happy and friendly just because you were not holding back.

You were just like excited to see me even though we'd ever only ever really emailed before. That is what really drew me to you. And I think I admire that quality so much in other people because I, I'm not like that. And I think that that unconstrained enthusiasm that you can have is, it's amazing. And I admire that in you and I love that quality in you. 

Carolina: Thank you so much. Oh, tearing up already. And you know, I spent many years being ashamed of that and feeling like, why can't I just calm down? Why can't I stop myself from hugging people?

There's been a lot of awkward interactions in my past. But I think, I don't know if the perception of me has [00:04:00] changed. I just think that I am noticing more when it's received in such a positive way, and I kind of brush it off when it's not, but. I definitely have that quality. My mother has a caregiver and we were talking about my mom and she said, you know, one of the things I love about your mom is she doesn't hold back.

She's so vulnerable. She's so, she'll just call people and be like, I really care about you and love you. And it's so genuine, but does people that aren't accustomed to that, it, it, some people will question it. But I really appreciate that you, when you told me that story because it really shows that.

Being unapologetically myself does have its upsides and and often those upsides are in the ways in life that mean the most, which is how you make people feel and making connections at last. So I. I love that story. If you're ever at my funeral, please 

Amber: and Caroline, I want you to talk about how you have been made to feel like that was a disadvantage in the past and [00:05:00] how that was held against you. And I, I really just want you to share your experiences because. I think, you know, this is a, a female themed podcast obviously, and I, I feel like as women, our natural enthusiasm, our natural excitement and just wanting to express our emotions is seen as just a negative in so many cases, as being too much, as being crazy, you know, and you're just enabled with these these traits that are just.

Of fear. And fear of what I don't really know, but, I, I just, I really wanna hear more about your experiences with this if you're, if you're willing to share a little bit and how our audience, you know, relate to times that maybe they were made to feel less than 

Carolina: For sure. And this extends to all areas of life, you know what I mean?

Like just growing up in school and interactions. I grew up with a brother who was. Pretty chatty, but very, very smart, unquote, like, you know, my grandfather was a [00:06:00] doctor. He was gonna be a doctor. Nobody really asked me to be a doctor. And, uh, and I would've been a great doctor, but, uh, but that's okay.

But I, you know, was very loved and had a lot of affection for my family for sure. But there was always this feeling that I was like, oh, like super nice and super fun. And, and I. There was always that dissonance, um, that I think has affected, you know, my self-esteem growing up. It's turned into a very powerful realization and I, and I think I've come to the other side, but from the very start, you know, there's just this, being a woman and being too much is something that has been a constant theme.

Even in my dating life. You know, I look back at everyone I've ever dated and it's like something just wasn't quite working there. And, and I tell people this in my comedy, but I used to date two magicians. Okay. That's the truth. I know where I'm trauma dumping now, but we never really worked out, even though you'd think, oh, you know, I'm a comedian.

They're a magician. I weren't doing comedy yet, but I was already this personality I. And I realized [00:07:00] looking back that like they didn't want me to have this spotlight. They, it wasn't to be shared with them. And there was something that they liked about me, but then it ended up being what they didn't like about me.

That I took up a lot of space and I had a lot to say and I laugh really loudly. And, e even in my love life, like I've ended up with the dj again, not trauma dumping, but this is somebody who. From the very beginning has never asked me to be different. That doesn't like being in the spotlight.

And I often find him looking at me living my life and being apologetic with myself and just finding pure joy. He actually took my last name. He's so proud of, you know, being a part of my family and understands how important my family is to me. And so even from like that personal level of like through life is realizing, how to not dim that light has been a struggle and a, a constant learning experience and friendships. Now, in terms of my career, not every manager in my past has actively wanted me to [00:08:00] dim my light. I think some have, but I think it's also a feeling of like, they haven't always known what to do with me.

What do we do with all of this? So, you know, being a sales and marketing manager at the community level, this personality is great, right? Because I'm getting along with the residents. I have a natural ability to connect with strangers. I never get bored of repetitive conversations with new people.

But there was always this feeling, especially when I moved to the corporate level and started offering to do comedy shows and offering to do big shows for outreach for hospitals. Like, this is kind of exciting, but what do we do with all of this? And then having, you know, worked for folks who really, really just almost were, were like completely disgusted by the exuberance of my personality.

I remember talking about a former employer where my husband said, some men look at you and the way you move around the world and think the audacity for her to be so confident, like how dare she be so happy she's not [00:09:00] allowed to be. And I really connected with my husband and felt so seen because I didn't even realize that that's the way it's today.

I've found a place where I've taken all of these different areas of my life. Having siloed them into different rooms. I'm here, I'm a comedian on stage. I am a professional in the senior living space. I'm really fun when I'm with my friends. And I'm a great daughter when I'm with my family. All of those things today have kind of, I'm that same person.

So it's has been a comedy of errors in a way, and it's been a lot of experiences, but I've definitely, I. Evolved from somebody that hasn't quite even known what to do with myself to being like just myself and it kind of working for me.

Amber: When you just said that statement about how dare she have the audacity to be happy.

Carolina: Yeah. 

Amber: That just. The way that makes me feel and knowing [00:10:00] that that is such a truth that people feel about women like you about women like me, I'm, I'm, I'm audacious in a different way. I dare to run a company. I dare to you know, speak up a against things. And, breaking the mold of what.

Is under traditional feminism and how that threatens people. And it's not just men. I mean the, the patriarchy is a system. Mm-hmm. Women are also participating. Right. Because it's the only system, you know. Why do you think that is? Like, why are people so threatened by women who are unafraid to 

Carolina: those?

Yeah. I don't know. And I think I'm only learning to really be able to look at it. I think it's almost like something that you live within. And then maybe you look at other people experiencing it and it's almost like too painful to even look at. But I do know when my husband took my last name and he didn't do it as a big political statement we got drunk when we were dating and I was like, I really love my dad.

I am so close to [00:11:00] him. And my dad raised me as a woman with agency from the minute that I could talk and understand. So he has really been a part of who I am. And for that reason it was important to me that I keep my last name, if I was to get married And drunkenly when we were dating, he said, well, I would take your last name if we got married.

And then when we did he, and it was announced, people were shocked. They were like, I thought he was joking. I think a lot of men, for example, don't think that they don't realize that they feel this way. But when my husband had taken my last name and the article came out in like, Yahoo, Canada, and you read these comments.

It was like, oh, you're a beta cook and you are a, you know, the opposite of an alpha. Women saying, like honestly, like each to one's own. But I'm in shock. I could never, and it's like a last name. Like it's really not that big of a deal. And then you think about active ways that people actually make choices to resist and how people actually react to those things.

I think that it's all kind of under the surface [00:12:00] and. Sometimes it's the male ego, like I think there are men in the world that just have such an ego and their whole life they've has been centered around that ego. But I think most of the time it's more subtle than that. 

Amber: Yeah, my conclusion personally, having gone through a lot of therapy and actually having been.

Discharged from two therapists because I've done the work and you know, consider myself to be pretty emotionally healthy after a lot of work and effort. Is that it? People just have their, their own insecurities and they lack that self-awareness, and it's them. It's not you. It's not me, and more people just need to be in therapy.

Carolina: I mean, I've done a lot of therapy. Trust me. Yeah. Um, and by the way, this is me after, you should have seen me before. Yeah, 

Amber: yeah. No, yeah. Same. I saw this post on Substack the other day. That was, you know, 'cause I'm in the us you're in Canada. That was about why do women's rights change based on the location you're [00:13:00] in? And men's rights stay the same no matter what state you're in.

And it made me think that when you're talking about people are so appalled of your husband taking your last name, but women are expected to take. Man's last name. Mm-hmm. All the time. What's the difference, right? Someone taking someone else's name, take gender out of it. The whole concept is weird to begin with, right?

Carolina: Yeah. You know what's interesting about that as well is that he was just like, what a waste of time. Like when he did it, he was like the paperwork, and now there's been times where he's forgotten he's too cheap to get his passport updated. So he's made the mistake of booking under his married name. And then now he's at the airport with our daughter meeting me in Europe and not being able to get on a plane.

Like it's just become such a hassle and what a, and for him, he sees as like, what a learning experience for me to see like what a pain in the butt this is and most people still do it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. 

Amber: Yeah. I mean that's exactly, I've had an [00:14:00] experience exactly like that because of changing my name and you know, women are just expected to deal with it and put up with it.

And don't worry if it's impacting your life or the hassle of the amount of time I have. Credit cards and things that are still under my old name. That was six years ago that I can't get changed, but the burden is on me to change. 

Carolina: Yes, exactly. And I can't relate 'cause I didn't have to do it, but, um, I talk a lot about my husband. I think a lot of people assume this archetype of like, oh gosh, like what? A guy, like just taking his wife's last name and, and I'm out in the world a lot. He's a performer and artist as well. He goes on tour, he does things, but for the most part, I'm more out of home than he is and they have all of these assumptions.

I've not met a more masculine man before because this is somebody who, literally it was like, yeah, I'll take your last name and whatever that means for other people thinking about me, like it doesn't matter to me. But that's been an interesting learning experience as well. Like, I, I don't know how many men I've met that are quite like him.

Um, I remember [00:15:00] once, uh, one of somebody I worked for came to a show and I make fun of my husband a lot. Like I have a joke about how, you know, we've been married for how many years and his new last name is Gonzaga and he signed his passport. Mark gon. This guy doesn't know how to pronounce or spell his new Filipino last name.

And I make fun of him a lot. And I go pretty far with it. And this person I worked for at the nsaid, is he okay. The guy's, he knows exactly, he helped me write these jokes, you know what I mean? So I think it's interesting just the perception of what we are and how people react to it. It's very true. And what you said about, you know, how we.

Move around in the world and our rights change. I mean, even if I was, not to get too political, but go to a certain state, my rights would change today. I never really thought about it that way, but that is, I think one of the reasons why a lot of people choose to, you know, move their families to North America.

I know. It's one of the reasons why my parents did. Yeah. Um, and these things aren't not an issue anymore. They are an issue now more [00:16:00] than ever. So that truth that you mentioned in that quote has not changed. In fact. It's probably something that I'm gonna think about even more now than I did say 10 years ago.

Amber: Yeah. Well, let's, let's talk about that a little bit. Let's, do you mind sharing your origin story, your family's origin story? And I know you mentioned a little bit about your dad, but I know you shared some things with me about your mom and you know mm-hmm. Her first one, feminism, and I would love Yes.

You talk about that. 

Carolina: For sure. I think that having a quote unquote matriarchal family is very typical in the Filipino experience. Um, that's not the case for everybody. I mean, there's still patriarchy running through, but women are a very dominant figure, um, mother figure. And so that's definitely the case for me.

I mean, even for my grandmother. So my, my grand, my, my family origin story is in the Philippines. My grandfather and my grandmother started a hospital and my grandmother worked. In order to send my grandfather to med school. So he was the [00:17:00] doctor with the name and the hospital named after him, but it was really, my grandmother did all the work to make that possible.

When my mom decided to move the family to, to move to Canada, she was newly married and had to move without my dad, which is typical, and then ended up sponsoring my dad. But it was her that drove all of this. It was her family connections that brought her to Canada. It was her that sponsored my dad.

And she continued to be that matriarch throughout our lives. So main breadwinner. I can remember at the, she was a nurse in long-term care and used to manage Alzheimer's units, and I could remember, and me and my. Brother didn't always wanna be around our mom when we were kids 'cause we were naughty.

But I remember getting the call after a shift to be like, I'm not gonna be home for another eight hours. That was typical. So she'd be out of the home for, you know, two consecutive shifts. My dad was the one that brushed my hair, took me bra shopping. He always was employed, but he just wasn't focused on the career.

He was there for us in a way that my mom never was and never could be. [00:18:00] Growing older, I've always been closer to my dad. I mean, even to this day, you know, he's my first drunk dial. If I need something, I call my dad. And recently my mom went through, you know, a major mental breakdown. So when we were born, she went through postpartum.

When my brother was born, my mom went through postpartum psychosis where she didn't know who my dad was, and she was hospitalized for weeks upon weeks. When my mother saw me give birth and struggle with breastfeeding, it actually relapsed her into psychotic experience for the first time in my, conscious life.

So, my strong mother who has done everything, sorry, me and my family wasn't there for me when I was in the hospital and it was traumatic. And having repeat episodes of psychosis. Where she was physical with my daughter, where we'd have to call the cops, where all of a sudden my dad was her caregiver.

Oh gosh. Like this is never something that [00:19:00] I would ever imagine has really changed my perspective of her. I always appreciated her being the breadwinner, being the matriarch, but I don't think I quite understood the weight that she carried. So I remember this moment where she was like, at the, just my dad had broken his rib and so now her caregiver's not there.

I mean, you know the story. So now me and my brother are trying to get her to take CBD to calm down, like we're just panicking here. 'cause she's at the end and she looked at me and said, I'm just like worthless. Like I, I can't help. And I remember holding her face and saying like. You are the strongest woman and you still are.

You're everything and you are why we're here and what a role reversal, but also what a powerful thing for me to remember as a daughter. I've always given my dad all this credit for being there for me, for being emotionally available. Even though my mom wasn't always emotionally available, she really carried that weight and now [00:20:00] that whole experience she feels is being stripped from her.

And so one conversation that's come up a lot with like the recent, you know, political climate and just us all trying to reckon with all the different versions of feminism that we've all had to, observe and analyze and maybe criticize is my mom. Used to get a phone call from the government, you know, saying, oh, who are you voting for?

And I remember cringing as a kid because she would say, whoever my husband's voting for, oh my. Like I was a political scientist major. And it was like, mom, that's so cringe. And through this experience and through lots of therapy and reflection, you know, my mom is not your typical feminist. She didn't really think about who she was voting for, and I don't think she even does still, but my mom has sponsored.

In the twenties of immigrants, she used to write letters to the mayor to make sure people would get employed. She would set people up with housing, set people up with jobs. She even incorporated a company just to be sure that she would [00:21:00] be able to employ people moving to Canada. And so that long story to be said is that feminism is so complex and we are complex and there are so many ways for us to find value.

And I think that maybe my. Metamorphosis of how I view my mom has also empowered me to also feel a little more bold and proud of who I am and like we haven't even talked about, but my daughter's watching, right? So I hope that her story will be one that's similar in arc, good times, bad times, but also kind of seeing the value of who I am and, and also how her father supported me as a woman the entire time.

Amber: Thinking about your story from the different aspect of generations, I mean from your mom being the breadwinner it sounds like, and your dad more of the caretaker, and then your mom also saying, I'm voting for whoever my husband's voting for to your evolution of you know, being such an incredibly successful womans [00:22:00] with, um, you know, your comedy and your, your production that you're doing, and then your husband taking your name and then now you've got a daughter.

Something I spent a lot of time thinking about is the evolution of feminism and, you know, is, is, as far back or not that far back as like the 1960s, fifties, women couldn't have credit cards in their own names. They couldn't open up bank accounts in their own names.

And I think about the women that we are today and, how we don't always have the appreciation for the freedoms that we have now that we're not common, that we take for granted today, but also how the backlash against that has landed us to where we are. Where a bill actually passed the house here in the US to not allow women to vote whose last name doesn't match their birth certificate. And, you know, just, and it didn't pass the Senate. So, it's not going anywhere, but enough people voted for this and think this is a good idea to [00:23:00] have this massive backlash against women being independent and being themselves and being able to go about.

Their natural personality and their natural characteristics without this fear of being told. How dare you, how audacious of you to act like that. And that's something that men literally never think about. 

Carolina: Yeah, absolutely. Down to, you know, and I don't think I ever told you this, Amber, but I, uh, to, I cut my mat, leave off.

And I should preface this, in Canada you do get 12 months of maternity leave and you can also take up to 18 months shock waves. Yeah. So we do have that. It's not perfect, like it's not as much as, you know, I think is fair, but most companies in Canada will top you up and, and and kind of to a hundred percent in most cases.

And also paternity leave is something that you have the right to as well. And so. As soon as I got [00:24:00] pregnant, I was like, I can't take a mat leave for 12 months. I mean, I'm the breadwinner. I, I, I just can't. And it was just this reality that I had set in for myself that I couldn't. And I, I actually said at first that I was gonna take four months.

I couldn't possibly, you know, I'm, I made more money and I'm like, I'm me. And my work was my identity. Then after, you know, two weeks of being at home with my kid, I'm like, okay, four months is not gonna work for me. And imagine people do less than that sometimes in the us but for me, even for me, it was like, no, I, I'm gonna take more.

I asked for seven months. Looking back, I could have asked 'em for 12. I could have asked 'em for 18 people in Canada. Changed their mind all the time. But I just had such a sense of responsibility. I owe it to them. And also a sense of importance. I'm a sales and marketing manager at a retirement community.

Like they can also get someone to do that, right? And so I only ended up taking seven months. My husband ended up taking the rest of it, which was good. [00:25:00] But an article was written about this experience as well, and I can share the links to the articles. Looking back, I realized I was so wrapped up in my identity, even though it was like anti-feminism.

That I didn't even allow myself. 

Amber: It's not anti-feminism. I mean, to me feminism is about choice. Right? Right. Correct. I mean, some women want to take time off and some don't, but that's, that's their choice. And I don't think there should be. Right. Shame either way. You, you wanna come back to work sooner, which is what I did.

That's my choice. Yeah. Or you wanna take more time off. That's your choice. 

Carolina: For sure. And I think that one of the things that would often happen was they would say, oh, so and so is is pregnant and she's gonna take her whole nine months because she wants to be, or 12 months because she wants to be like a really good mom.

And I'd be like, I. Oh my God. Like what are you saying about me? So I guess what I'm saying is not so much what's feminist and what's not, but like I couldn't even figure [00:26:00] out what I wanted because it was so wrapped up in this idea of like, well, I'm this type of feminist, I'm the type of feminist that relates to my work.

I. And in reflecting, I realized that like one of the reasons I decided I would never have another kid is I never wanna make that decision again. It was too hard. And that goes back to the fact that there's just things that men will never have to really think about. And whatever they do is a bonus. For me.

It's like I'm never gonna get that time back, did I? And at the time, I didn't even think I wanted that time. And now no regrets, but it's just everything is so loaded. For us. 

Amber: Well, and this is, this is all from the patriarchy. The, the, the fact that there is shame either way with either decision. Are you a working mom?

Are you a stay at home mom? Do you breastfeed? Do you bottle feed? I mean, how much screen time do your kids have? This is all like, you know, built within the context of the patriarchy of us making these decisions and this like weird competition that women have. Amongst each other when really everybody needs to make the right choice for them.

Yeah, so I mean, I personally came back to work. [00:27:00] I, I would never stay home with my kids. It's just not what I wanna do. I will say it varied between my kids. My one, my first son, my oldest, he is super extroverted, super social, took him to daycare early, never looked back, never cared. My younger son, he needed more time.

He needed more. He needed more handholding. He just, he's not good at change. And so I think it can vary by whatever makes the most sense in the situation you are in. But there's no right way. I mean, one of my employees at Parasol who's absolutely incredible woman, and I'm so lucky and fortunate, she works with us.

But after she had her daughter, she was, I mean, people are telling me, Amber, did you know she's working? And I'm like, I told her to take time off. And she, it's her choice. She wants to be working, but. That doesn't mean that someone else can't make a different choice, 

Carolina: right? Correct. One thing and I kind of talked about the beginning of like, I met up with, I'll say this first.

So I had a call with somebody that I met out at, you know, networking events, and we had a call, she's a founder and she's [00:28:00] probably a little younger than me. And on this call, she was just so earnestly and she said, oh, I just wanted to connect with you because I feel like. You just haven't figured out, which I don't by the way, but she said you haven't figured out in a way that it seems like every time I see you talk, you just do all of these different things like the comedy, the this, the that, and it's like you are, you're just able to be genuinely yourself in every room.

And I said, oh, I'm so glad that you shared that with me. It means so much because literally six months ago, you wouldn't have said that about me, and I wouldn't have been able to accept that compliment. A lot has happened. But one day I was having a conversation with my daughter, I said something like, oh, I'm tired.

And she goes, well, maybe you should quit one of your jobs. Like, she's five. She's so smart. And I said, yeah, I could. But she said, mommy, do you like your jobs? And I said, I like all of them, every single one of them. And I said, and you've seen me. She's seen me be depressed. She's seen me struggle with jobs because I didn't feel accepted, or I didn't know where to find my footing.

Or [00:29:00] maybe I had made a mistake, I said, you know, I don't always love my jobs, but you've seen it. I will fight until I do. And I feel like, I hope that is something that she remembers, that my mom fought to be okay to feel good in every room. So it's not only about feeling good in yourself in every room, you have to also have a little, it's an alchemy.

You have to have a little bit of enablement, a little bit of support. Not to mention confidence and you know, your own self-worth, but that was such a meaningful moment for me to be able to share that with her. And I hope that she remembers that. Yeah. Uh, when she's older. 

Amber: Yeah. And I mean, something I just spent a lot of time thinking about as well is having two sons, how do I raise them to view and value women the way that I want them to?

Carolina: Yeah. 

Amber: And not having a daughter. I feel like I've missed out on the opportunity I have to like raise that next generation of [00:30:00] feminism. But men can be feminists as well. You know, it's again, all about seeing things outside of the context of the structures in which we live in and being able to look outside those.

Carolina: Absolutely. And I think that, you know, the challenge for, parents thinking about their daughters as women, whether they call it feminism or not, you know, that has evolved and changed. My parents are old school, like they're old school Christians, you know, but they, I don't hear them saying the types of things that they would've said to me when I was a kid.

Be proper. They're like, be louder, be bold. We like that about you. You know? And I don't know, again, parents just do their best. It was a different time. But I think the challenge for. Parents of boys is a different challenge and it's a hard one. It's a really hard one, um, because there's a lot of noise and there's a lot of isolation, um, built into sometimes, the experience.

I have a woman that does my hair and she's so vulnerable. [00:31:00] I love talking to her, and she always says, you know, I'm just worried about my son because he's about 13 and he just. Doesn't talk to me. And when I look at my brothers and the people that are in his life, his dad's not really in his life, I think great guys, but there's not an ounce of vulnerability from their culture.

And I'm just worried and she just feels so locked out. Mm-hmm. And I just think, yeah, the, that is, there's nor is easier. They're both, but they're, but they've evolved, you know, the, it's complex. So I yeah. We've had a lot of conversations about that, but yeah. 

Amber: I think at the end of the day, all we can do is be as supportive of our kids as we can. And if it's. A type of support they need that we can't provide to, to get it to them.

 Caroline, I wanna move on. I wanna talk about your comedy. So I know that this is something you do. Tell me, how did you get into it? What kind of jokes, how does comedy help you through making jokes, deal with some of these things in your life? 

Carolina: Comedy's everything. And to be honest with you, I was [00:32:00] born to do comedy.

Every, per, you know, I'm funny. I will, I, I make myself laugh every day. I'm not, I'm not gonna hide from that. I'm funny. I like to be funny. I'm jovial, I'm friendly. So. Around the time I met my husband, he was an artist. He is an artist, so he had a lot of gigs and I was just kind of working my sales and marketing job in retirement.

This is years ago, maybe about 10 years ago. And not really having much to do other than like following him around at his gigs, hang out with my friends. And he suggested I take a course at Second City. And so I did, and the course is just all about getting out your first five minutes and from my first showcase.

I started producing and I've been doing comedy ever since. So my comedy's evolved. I think every comic, when they start, it's just all dirty. It's all gross. It's all like the first stuff that comes to mind, which is why I hid my comedy and changed my name. So now I tell people, but my comedy name is Carolina dg.

Also, people have a hard time pronouncing my last name, but I used to hide and keep it very separate. Today my comedy is confessional. It is, [00:33:00] my experience and it is the truth. With some embellishment, I. What I like about my comedy is sometimes when you have, you know, a certain demographic of comics who might have the same experience.

I mean, they're all unique, but a lot of the times it's just dating. It's just. Men, all women. And mine is like, this is what my daughter actually did this morning. And I won't say it on this podcast 'cause I'm assuming this is corporate friendly. But um, it is a little bit raunchy, but it's all genuine. And so it's confessional and it's all about hoping that folks find something in my story that they can relate.

It's definitely cathartic, but I will say comedy went from being something that I hid to be, something I started to quietly and slowly incorporate. Like, when I worked on the senior living side, I was, uh, one of my last roles on the operator side was a regional for sales for the province of Ontario.

And so I started to use comedy as outreach during COVID because we couldn't get in the hospitals. And so I would say, Hey, let me throw a [00:34:00] show for all of your social workers. So it'd be like every big network in Ontario, 80 social workers logging on, and I would be doing comedy and hiring comics. And today it's evolved into something that is.

Literally a part of my job as I begin to produce my first conferences and, and mc and think about that. So it just goes to show that that little thing that might be a little secret that makes you special, that you might wanna hide because you don't know how it's gonna be perceived in the right context.

This is a superpower, and I remember the first time I said it out loud to say all of these soft skills that I have market value. My comedy is not a hobby, and it's not just me doing therapy on stage or me getting it out because I need to get it out. I'm not a dog that needs to be walked. This is a skillset I have that has market value and my God hasn't helped me.

Just being able to roll through a demo if something goes wrong, you know, and so [00:35:00] that's what I would love for somebody to take from this. What is that thing about you that you actually like about yourself, but you don't think you can bring it into a room? Maybe you can't, in the same exact sense. Like, I'm not gonna do the same show for a corporate as I am, at 1130 at night for a drunken crowd at a bar.

But that's still you and that's still like I like to call. It's a light motif and hopefully you'll get to a place where that little glimmer that makes you happy will be something that has market value. People begin to pay you for it and you begin to enjoy it. So yeah, comedy is. Something I'm really proud of and it's something I'll never stop.

Amber: I love that and I, I fully agree. I mean, I think for me it's been podcasting and this is my fourth podcast. I've been doing it, it for four years now, and I love storytelling and I'm, I always say I'm not, I'm not artistic in and like the, you know, traditional way. I can't paint, I can't sing, I can't dance or whatever.

But I can story tell and I can record other people's stories and help share them and I don't make any money doing it, it is. [00:36:00] Yeah. Something like you said, it's something, well, maybe someday, but that's not why I do it. I think it's, yeah, I just share voices and share stories and you know, when I think about you, you talking about your comedy in that way, it's finding that one thing that you feel good about that is that outlet for you to.

Step outside of your corporate job, your corporate world your parents, you know, whatever your role is. Yes. And have that space for yourself. 

Carolina: And you're still like the CEO right? Of a company. You're still the mom, you're still the leader of a team, and there's all sorts of fun things about that and parts of the job that aren't fun.

And you putting on the podcast hat is you giving yourself the opportunity to also change the perspective where you sit you know what I'm saying? Like it really is, I think so healthy. I was talking to a guy the other day that you know, was a former COO of one of the biggest senior living operators in Canada and now he has like three tech companies he is working with and he is like, I might not be so happy working as hard.

He's like, I like to be busy, but what's [00:37:00] nice is when I can shift that energy a little bit, it's still maybe the same people, same vibe. Yeah, I think that's definitely what podcasting is for you as comedy is for me. So I'm glad that we could bring those together today. Yeah. 

Amber: Well, Carolina, this has been amazing.

As always. I love to talk to you. Thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank you Amber, and I look forward to seeing you in person soon. Love ya. Before we start off, love you too. Where can listeners find out more about you if they want to learn more about your comedy or anything else about you? 

Carolina: Yeah, so I am on Instagram.

I'll give you the link. I am also on LinkedIn and very active on the comedy and the SaaS senior living space as well. And I've got some events coming up, so LinkedIn, Instagram is where to find me and I'll give you the link, Amber. 

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